TIGERS DON'T CRY - Chapter Five
In the harsh environment of a British pub's kitchen, young Nate will have to come to terms with his growing attraction for one of his male colleagues.
TRIGGER WARNING - Strong and sexual language. Explicit sexual content.
For those curious to read from the start:
Pinterest Artist: Koara シ
It was a miracle I didn't fall off my bike. I was proper shaking. Knees buckling, stomach clenching and heart pounding. An utter mess.
By ten past four, I was near the work premises and whizzing down the street, my bike’s chain rattling through a new world record of speed. I was a missile of terrified excitement.
It was all black above and glaring bright by the street. Not even a fucking star. Not even the moon. The debris of an explosive party littered the road. Someone sang a drunken song nearby and I was met with the waft of piss as I rounded the next corner.
Ethan was going to show up after me since it was so lamely early. That’s what I’d thought. Last night I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t even think straight. Hanging around in the cold was going to help me clear my head. I was going to do it. Ask him to do stuff to me. To touch me, to…
He was there already.
Ethan stood by the backdoor - eyes gazing at the moonless, starless sky. I slowed down as I closed in and he turned to look at me with a tense expression.
‘How long have you been here?’ I asked.
He rubbed a hand over his face. ‘Just arrived.’
‘Oh.’ I unlocked the heavy backdoor and positioned my wheels in the usual corner by the stairs. Ethan followed, his steps soft like the clack of the door closing behind us. Sheepishly, I lifted my gaze to him.
He stood with his hands deep into his pockets and his brows creased to something worryingly close to a scowl. A muscle on his jaw tensed before he asked, ‘Well?’
I prepared a speech, something along the lines of, ‘Seeing that you’re gay and all that, how about we hook up? You said I’m your type and so on and so forth. I’d be up for doing stuff with you. If you want, like. No pressure.’
Very casual. It sounded easy in my head.
In reality, I couldn’t say anything for a long minute. I stared at the guy, my mouth opening and closing multiple times as my face inevitably heated. The fluorescent light above our heads buzzed through the silence between us.
Ethan was about to spew something bitter out of exasperation, I could tell. He straightened his back and drew a breath.
I blurted the words, ‘I’m sexually attracted to you.’
His expression changed from annoyed to stupefied in a split instant.
It took me a second to take conscience of what I'd said. My heartbeat picked a fast rhythm and my palms grew damp with sweat.
‘W-what I mean is…’ I cupped my face which must have been bright red by now. ‘So… I’m s-straight and I mean… I guess I'm not but I’m not sure and what I'm trying to say is… what I want to say…’
For some reason, I had a vision of Will from Inbetweeners leaning towards me and saying, ‘Well that was fucking dreadful!’
‘You’re sexually attracted to me,’ he echoed.
‘Shit…’ I muttered.
I fucked up.
Unable to look Ethan in the eye, I grabbed my rucksack and flung for the stairs. My plan of relaxedly offering to hook up had gone out the window. I’d exposed myself in a way I couldn’t bear.
He said, ‘Hey, where are you going?’
I went up two steps at the time and as fast as I could.
‘Nate!’
He was after me. I ran all the way to the third floor and sprinted inside the changing room in an almost panic. Ethan pushed against the door before I could shut it behind me.
I stepped back, leaving five feet of pure electricity between us. We stared at each other, panting.
Ethan’s expression soured, ‘I can’t stand it when “straight” boys tease like this! Closeted bisexuals and gay guys in denial - all of them lot. I get it. You’re trying to understand your sexuality and it’s all new for you, internalised homophobia and such... but you know what? Fuck you!’
My eyes flew wide.
‘I am not going to let anybody take the piss outta me!’ He growled. ‘Do you know how many like you there are out there, jigging their pretty butts at guys like me only to do just that? Tease? I can’t be asked to deal with your emotional problems. It’s always about you and your feelings, and never about us, the guys who made an effort to go through all that shit. I can do better than this. So yeah. What exactly do you want from me?’
I was stunned.
‘I’m not… trying to take the piss out of you…’ I said carefully.
‘Are you not? It sure looks like it.’
‘Man, I was just... embarrassed. I’m embarrassed.’
Ethan shrugged, ‘You find me sexually attractive. So what? Big deal.’
This was so not going the way I’d imagined, ‘No I… I was… I was going to ask you if you wanted to hook up…’ My voice trailed off.
‘What?’
I inhaled and breathed out the words. ‘Wanna hook up?’
Now it was Ethan who was left speechless and with his mouth hanging open.
‘I’m your type, right?’ I added. ‘Might as well get this thing between us out of our minds. Do something about it, like.’ I tried to sound confident, though I really didn’t feel it.
‘Something like what?’ Ethan’s voice was strained and his eyes narrow. There was interest in his gaze, as well as distrust. I moved forward, closing the gap between us, but Ethan stepped back.
It felt like my chance to get my problems sorted was slipping away and I had to act quickly.
‘So,’ I cleared my throat. ‘I’m not experienced with dudes but I’d be up for… I don’t know. Whatever you’re into, really.’
He snorted, ‘What I’m into, you say. Why is it that I have the feeling you don’t even know what you’re talking about?’
I swept my fingers through my hair and evaded his gaze, ‘Sure I do.’
‘Oh yeah?’ He stepped closer until only mere inches were between us. ‘What if I told you that what I like is to fuck pretty twinks like you hard and deep in the arse, huh?’
His harsh tone, combined with his blunt words, sent a shiver down my spine and my body lit up with heat, fear and expectation.
I swallowed with a dry throat, ‘Well I… I mean, I’ve never done that, so… b-but… maybe we don’t need to get to that point. We can do the other things if… if you want.’
His breath tickled my ear. He whispered, ‘What other things?’
My gaze had been fixed on the floor for the last minute or so. Ethan’s cool fingers brushed my face and his hand lay flat on my cheek. ‘Look at me.’
Useless to say, my heart was pounding big time. I did as he said and met that deep, fathomless blue. Fuck. Why do his eyes have to be so beautiful?
‘What other things?’ He asked again.
My voice trembled, ‘Wanking each other… stuff.’
He bit his lower lip and nodded to himself as if considering.
‘That sounds doable. What else?’ He caressed my cheek with his thumb.
Fuck, I was a quivering mess. I murmured, ‘The other stuff.’
He kissed me, deep and slow, tongue invading the well of my mouth. Like with a girl, the kiss was hot and wet, but there was a raw show of strength and intensity in his exploration that I'd never encountered before. Kissing a man wasn’t the same as kissing a girl. It smelt different, it felt different. His beard brushed against my shaved skin. My head began to spin and my body had gotten weak all of a sudden.
Ethan pushed me against the wall and touched me all over as if his hands had the ability to meander wherever they wanted without restraints. One moment his fingers were grasping the skin of my chest and rubbing my nipple, while the other hand kneaded my butt unashamedly, the other his teeth were nipping at my ear and neck. His knee dug between my legs, his thigh rubbing against my dick which was painfully hard.
‘Fuck, you’re so cute,’ he panted. ‘You just had to take your clothes off that way, didn’t you? All shy and breathless.’ Ethan planted his tongue inside my mouth again, fierce and uncaring. ‘Fucking tease.’ He pinned me against the cold surface behind me, grinding his hips over mine and making me feel the unmistakable stiffness of his cock through his jeans. His hands slipped inside my trousers and cupped my butt, squeezing and prodding, fingers tracing my crack.
Wow. To say I was overwhelmed would have been an understatement.
I gripped his shirt, ‘Wait, do you… want to do stuff here?’
‘Why not? We’ve got time. It’s only quarter past four and there are no cameras in the changing room.’
I wasn’t thinking rationally but Ethan? He had been overcome by lust entirely. I could see the need burning in his eyes. I had no idea he craved me like this and the discovery was both shocking and thrilling. Nobody had ever wanted me as this man wanted me now. This handsome, charismatic guy was pressing against my body as if he couldn’t have enough of me.
‘I was thinking more, like… after the shift,’ I said.
He stopped moving and fixed his gaze to mine, ‘Right.’
‘Is that alright?’
He licked his lips and chuckled, ‘Thing is… I think my balls are about to explode. I can't work in this state. Let’s beat one off quick, alright?’
I was hard too but also anxious as fuck. Still, I couldn’t fault his logic. We could wait for our dicks to go down on their own but the pulsing flow of blood in my groin area suggested that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon.
‘OK then. A quick one would be fine, I guess,’ I said weakly.
Ethan looked over his shoulder, to a low wooden table where people usually put their bags and piled their coats. Now it was unoccupied, aside from a few stained, old aprons and a forgotten shopping bag.
He took me by the hand, led me there and locked the door, even though there wasn’t really a need for it since it was only the two of us in the building. Maybe an extra step of precaution wasn’t a bad idea though.
Without much of a warning, he put his hands under my butt and lifted me up to sit on the table. I was short and skinny, not heavy whatsoever, but his strength surprised me anyway. Nobody had ever handled me so confidently before and the dominance he exhibited excited me more than I was willing to admit.
I’d only had two girlfriends in the past, one small and cute and one taller than me, thin and brash. With my first girl, Elisa, I’d always had to take the lead, to be in charge through every step; kissing, taking our clothes off and getting down to business. The second girlfriend I’d had, Gwen, wasn’t into sex much at all but when we did have it, she was somewhat cold and quick to be over with it.
Now, it was as if I’d landed on a very, very different planet.
Ethan’s hands travelled under my clothes once more and the kissing resumed, slow and steady. He’d said “quick” but he was obviously taking his time tasting and touching me. I didn’t have the will to complain - his mouth on me felt too good.
I was hot and dizzy with desire. His kisses on my cheeks, neck and lips were noisy. They made a wet, popping sound - like each of them was given with appreciation. It was strange for me to think I could be the object of such passion. I was just a short guy with messy hair who worked in a pub’s kitchen.
His fingers went to undo the button and zip of my trousers. I gathered a little courage and tried to do the same with him, though my hands were sweaty and trembling. Ethan smiled and helped me out.
He pulled down his trousers and slid off his jumper and T-shirt with a slow, teasing motion, like someone who had done this many times over. A practised stripping routine.
He kissed me some more and helped me take my top off, biting on his lip as he savoured the sight of my naked skin. He pressed his mouth to my collarbone and neck, hugging me tight to his body, ‘You are so, so cute.’
‘Thanks.’ My voice was something between a whisper and a squeak.
He looked at me worriedly, ‘You’re shaking.’
‘I’m a bit cold,’ I said, though that was only partially true. Now that Ethan was in front of me in a sexual situation, his broad chest and tattoos under my fingers, some facts had become clear to me. He had been right: I didn’t know what I was doing. Somewhere in my head, I pictured myself like a tiny rabbit who had ventured into a wolf’s den out of curiosity.
I wanted him to touch me but I was scared he’d hurt me - that I wouldn’t be strong enough to push him away if I decided I wanted to stop.
He caressed my cheek and kissed me gently. A tremulous exhale rolled out of me. Ethan lifted my chin with a finger, looked into my eyes and said, ‘Don’t be afraid. I’ll make it good for you, I promise.’
I nodded. He guided my hands to the back of his neck so that I could have a purchase as he slid my trousers and boxers down my legs, bringing my erection to the light. Even though I was nervous, my dick was stiff and wet with precum; I had never been so desperate to come before.
He pressed his mouth to mine as he uncovered his hips and his cock bounced out, hard and leaking like mine. I sucked in a breath of surprise - strong emotions rocking inside me in big, powerful waves. His cock was a beautiful and domineering thing, like a feisty bull in an arena, full of strength and mighty will. I was seduced by it. Terrified by it.
It was quite the impressive dick, long rather than thick and with almost no curve at all. His pubes were trimmed short to form a tidy, dark pattern around his balls.
‘Do you want to touch it?’ He asked in a soft whisper.
‘Yeah.’
He slipped his fingers around my wrist and guided my hand down. I gripped him gently, feeling his girth and hardness.
Ethan drew me closer and hummed deep in his throat as I started to stroke him. He reached for me and did the same. His hand was smooth, warm and strong. All of him was. His other palm moved up and down my back, only to stop over my buttock again, rubbing and squeezing my flesh. If I’d ever had any doubts about his liking to fuck guys, they were totally gone now. The way he prodded me there told me everything there was to know about his sexual taste. Nobody had ever touched me like this. Ethan handled me with an odd mixture of reverence and insistence.
He wants to fuck me. The thought was alarming but it also made me feel powerful as if I was a daring man who played with fire.
Ethan’s lips brushed mine. He stepped closer until our fists were touching, let go of my dick and captured my hand, ‘It’s better like this.’
He encased our dicks, our cockheads rubbing and pressing together.
The words escaped from my mouth, ‘Oh that feels good.’
Ethan chuckled and stroked us, fast and perfect. His cockhead was hot, his dick silky and impossibly hard. He continued jerking us together until I was swept away by the growing sensation, inevitably nearing climax. Precum spilled copiously from my tip and he captured it with his thumb, spreading it over our lengths.
The sight of that was so erotic that, in a squirm of whimpers and moans, I came. Ethan gasped in surprise as I shot cum over his abdomen, groin and dick, my body quaking with the force of the orgasm. I pressed my face against his chest, hiding my reddening face.
‘Fuck, that’s a lot of cum!’ He muttered as he whacked his cock with force, his fist covered with my spill. In moments he was cumming too, white bursts of jizz landing on my dick and stomach, hot and sticky.
My heart thumped fast in my ears. He stroked my cheek with his clean hand and kissed me, ‘God, that was hot,’ he said. ‘Holy shit.’
We didn’t move for a time. My head swam through postcoitus glory although, as seconds passed, a sense of shame seeped in.
‘My God, Nate.’ He leaned in to kiss me. I couldn’t resist his touch but I couldn’t return the intensity of his kiss either. I was floating through a hazy cloud of contrasting emotions. The way Ethan’s warm lips brushed mine, to travel further and press on my cheek, my neck, my ear… was amazing. I was ashamed to admit it but it felt so incredibly good. Maybe that’s what it was that I found disturbing.
It shouldn’t have been so great, so mind-blowing. But it had been.
The both of us were covered in cum and Ethan, probably noticing how not-with-it I was, took me by the hand again and led me to the hand-wash-only sink nearby. He cleaned us both with blue-roll paper and warm water.
He smiled, ‘Are you good?’
I nodded, ‘Yeah.’
He chuckled as he wiped the remaining bit of semen on his belly with the paper. ‘You came a lot.’
Ethan’s body was beautiful and the tattoos enhanced his masculinity, the lean shape of his waist and arms. Covered with my jizz, though, he was even better to look at. He wiped around his cock and balls, lifting the softened dick to reach all the hidden spots.
His movements were mesmerising. I even liked his hands, how strong and elegant they were, the slight raise of his veins and his round, well-trimmed nails. There was a tattoo on the back of his right hand too - a bright red peony.
I realised Ethan was peering at me as I stared intently at his crotch. He smirked.
I looked away, ‘Sorry.’
‘For what?’
‘For gawking, like.’
He put his arms around my shoulders and embraced me tightly, mostly naked as he was, and kissed me slowly, teasing the seam of my mouth with his tongue.
‘You can gawk as much as you want,’ he said.
We managed to get dressed somehow. Ethan buttoned his uniform and grinned, chuckling to himself from time to time.
‘What?’ I asked, feeling self-conscious.
He chuckled again, ‘What we just did was crazy.’
It had been crazy and, at least in my case, monumental. I’d never come so hard in my life and I didn't know what to do with myself. I was a blob with legs.
Later, as the morning progressed and the others arrived, my concentration levels dropped below zero and I made one mistake after another. Cam was in the mood to kill my ears.
‘The masala has been sent back! They said it was cold!’ He yelled, all red faced and with his eyes blazing. ‘No more fuck ups, Nate! Focus, butty! Focus!’
‘Alright, sorry,’ I grumbled, my gaze immediately going to Ethan. He was watching me, amusement and knowing painted all over his face.
Exhausted and barely holding it together, I dragged my feet to the break room when finally my turn to switch off arrived. Normally I sat down with the intention of devouring my food but today my stomach was in knots and all I could do was nibble on my chicken wrap.
As I scrolled down a page with tattoo-related images, thinking about the fact that I would have liked to have Ethan’s Instagram contact, he texted me.
He was still in the kitchen working, so he must have sent me a message secretly when nobody was looking.
‘Still up for hooking up again after work? I sure am in the mood to teach you a couple more things X’
Well that was a heady statement, to say the least. I tapped my forehead with the corner of my phone, then typed,‘Can’t do mine. My bro is at home today,’
He replied immediately, ‘Mine’s cool. I don’t live too far’
I stared at the embodiment of my moment of truth, all of it stuffed in those pixel words.
‘Sounds cool. Meet you in the changing room at the end of the shift. We can take things from there.’
If only I’d given my mind and body the chance to adjust to what was going on, maybe things wouldn’t have gone tits up as much as they did. Had I waited a few days, had I not been so desperate to look confident and at ease with my newfound bisexuality, I could have been honest with Ethan and myself. I needed time.
But what I thought was, I can’t chicken out now.
When the shift ended, Ethan was in the changing room. He flashed me a brilliant smile.