TIGERS DON'T CRY - Chapter Seven
In the harsh environment of a British pub kitchen, young Nate will have to come to terms with his growing attraction for one of his male colleagues.
For those curious to read from the start:
I woke up because of a phone call.
I stumbled out of Ethan’s bed, all sleepy and confused, knelt on the carpet and somehow found my ringing phone in the chaos of abandoned clothes.
‘Hello,’ I croaked.
‘Hey bud,’ Louis greeted. ‘I was wondering if you’ll be back home for dinner tonight.’
‘Oh shit. What time is it?’ I looked around for a clock, not realising I could simply take a glimpse at my phone screen.
‘It’s quarter to six.’ Louis sounded amused, ‘Were you asleep?’
‘Ah, hm yeah… we were uh… watching a movie. I must’ve dozed off.’
‘Yeah, of course.’ Louis chuckled, ‘And do I… know this mate of yours?’
Oh fuck! ‘You don’t know them,’ I said quickly, my face ablaze. ‘Imm ah… I’m going to call a taxi later. I’ll be home for like… eight? Nine?’
‘OK. Speak later Nate. And… do it safe.’
My eyes widened, ‘Dude!’
‘Byee!’ Louis hung up.
A ripple of deep, soft laughter came from behind me. Ethan lay sprawled on the bed, naked and enticing to the eye. He grinned and I gazed at his wholeness in quiet wonder: his long legs and the hair around his crotch, dick and balls nestled in that darkness, the soft slopes of abs and pecs, the lean muscle of his arms - the lines that curled and curved, creating patterns and shapes on his flesh, the lush harmony of the colours. All was perfectly arranged, outstandingly made. The art on his skin was as beautiful as the planes over which it was rendered. Ethan and his tattoos were united in the fabulous finery that was him.
Whereas I was only me. Just me.
‘Was that your brother?’ He asked.
‘Yeah.’
Ethan got off the bed and came close. He cupped my cheek and kissed me slowly. I’d understood by now that was how he liked it: he was never in a rush when he came to taste me. I responded eagerly to the movements of his tongue and I thought, Sod it! I put my hands around his neck and caressed his body with keen hands. This was the moment to fulfil my fantasy and satisfy my curiosity - ridding my head of Ethan to never agonise over him again.
I’d think back to today as my “one-time gay experience.” My bi-curious side had demanded to be acknowledged and I’d humoured it - I would give my body what it wanted and move on. That was the plan.
Even at that moment I knew, deep inside, that the intensity of what I was experiencing wasn’t going to be easy to dismiss, but I told myself it would be. I told myself many things.
‘Would you like to share a bath?’ He murmured. ‘Our tab is pretty big.’
Ethan’s hand was between my legs, fondling a growing erection. His cock was hard too and I lightly touched it.
‘I don’t see why not,’ I said.
The sloppy sound of our kisses soaked my senses. I was hot and aroused. Ethan was so good to touch and I had never known how incredible a naked man against my bare skin could feel until today.
‘I’ll go run it,’ Ethan said. He snuck inside his jeans and left me alone in his room, sore-lipped and needy.
I sat at the edge of his bed and watched my toes curl and uncurl. Ethan came back after a minute or so with a dark blue robe and a large towel.
‘Let’s keep busy while the bath fills.’ He smiled and threw the robe and towel on the nearby chair, shoved me flat on his duvet and grabbed my dick. He went down on me, full thing down his throat.
I gasped, ‘Fuck! Ethan, I need a wash!’
He didn’t flinch one bit, rather he glugged on my knob enthusiastically, scarfing it down like a juicy treat in mid-summer. I threw my head back and inwardly prayed I wouldn’t disgracefully squirt in his mouth after a handful of slurps. Ethan did something mysteriously mind-blowing with his tongue, like moving it really fast on the underside of my cock. He also blew the air out of his cheeks, sucked and hummed in his throat as my tip hit his hot, vibrating tonsils repeatedly.
‘S-stop! Stop!’ I begged.
He smirked, ‘Are you about to cum already?’
‘Yeah!’ I said the word with a good dose of outrage.
Ethan chuckled evilly, ‘I bet your girlfriends didn’t suck cock this good for shit.’
I hid the vulnerable expression on my face with both hands, ‘Fuck.’
‘Let me go check on the bath.’
Ethan jumped off the bed with unconcealed glee, hard cock bouncing as he quickly grabbed the towel and wrapped it around his hips. He stepped out of the room in a blast of almost joy and returned after a moment, beaming like starlight.
‘Let’s go!’
He helped me in the gown and led me to the bathroom. My heart thudded as I crossed the foyer, wondering if others were around to witness our shameless actions, but no. We only covered five feet and then I found myself in a steamy, lived-in bathroom. Toiletries populated a toothpaste-streaked shelf. A bit of shaving foam stained the mirror and a huge, squirty-soap dispenser occupied a good portion of the sink. Ethan dropped his towel on the floor and smiled from ear to ear, his cock straining upward.
Did I know things were going to go downhill from there at that point? Not quite. I thought, Damn, that’s a seriously hard dick!
But then again, I was pretty ramped up too so I didn't think, I didn’t think about the fact that lust was like a drug - a pull into the abyss of my innermost desires. Sometimes, what we want and what we don’t want clash. All I could focus on there and then was the pleasure at hand and the fact that I was horny more than I was scared.
Ethan tested the temperature of the water, swishing his hand amongst the bubbles back and forth like an oar.
‘Perfect!’ He grinned.
Smiling, he helped me out of my robe, just because I was a little hesitant and he in a mad rush to get in the water with me. He got inside first and I followed - the heat of the bath was indeed just right.
Ethan immediately drew me towards him and I found myself straddling his thighs, my erection in contact with his. His eyes roamed over me like his hands on my back, where he lingered to stroke and squeeze my arse.
He knew how to kiss in a way that made me helpless, pliable to insistence - to murmured requests like to scoot forward, so he could guide my opening to his cock and rub himself against it. His dick prodded and slicked over my hole and I got all weak and panicky.
Ethan lapped at my lips and I panted, ‘I’m not ready for full-on sex.’
He laughed softly, ‘I know. Don’t worry - I’m not going to force you to do something you don’t want to do. I just like to feel you, to touch you there. Is that OK?’
Our lips brushed in tender touch, ‘Alright,’ I said.
He held me close, put a hand on my cheek and looked into my eyes, ‘Are you scared?’
‘No.’
‘Don’t be,’ he murmured, reading into my lie. ‘I’m not a dick. I know it’s your first time with a guy.’
He caressed me everywhere. His hand moved down to our cocks. Ethan stroked us together once more and I kissed him deep and needily.
‘I’m gonna come in the water if you keep going,’ I said.
He smiled, ‘Fuck, me too. Listen I, uh… I want to suck your cock.’
‘OK,’ I said breathlessly.
We found a comfortable position where I stood on my knees and he slid down the bath with his head just out of the water. He grasped my butt cheeks and slicked my erection into his mouth. I could argue I wasn’t big and perhaps that’s why Ethan was able to take my whole length. The hotness of his wet mouth surrounded my sensitive skin and I gasped and moaned as he sucked and quaffed me in, eager and insatiable. He encouraged me to rock against his face, pushing me forward - letting me fuck his mouth.
In a few moments, I was tipping over the edge.
‘I’m gonna come,’ I muttered as I leaned heavily on the tiled wall.
Ethan’s fingers dug into my glutes and his lips tightened around my dick, doing a repeat of the suction and low vibration in his throat. My balls tightened and I burst into pleasure, shaking and gasping. I mewed a long sound as he swallowed my load while looking me in the eye - as if he could see what I was hiding and was tasting each one of my secrets on his tongue. I collapsed against his chest, panting.
He brushed my hair away with a wet, warm hand, ‘You OK?’
I nodded.
‘You liked that?’ The question was as soft as his kisses that tasted of me.
I couldn’t speak but I hoped my eyes could say enough for him to be satisfied. Somehow, I was a wreck. I liked what he'd done to me so much that it was bad.
Too much pleasure. I didn’t know how to come to terms with that.
‘I think I’m getting a little dizzy,’ I said.
‘Uh, shall we get out of the bath?’ He didn’t wait for me to say yes but simply stood, stepped out of the tub and helped me to the damp mat on the floor. Ethan bundled me in a large towel and smiled broadly as if holding back a chuckle.
‘What?’
‘You’re so small the towel covers the whole of you. Your toes are just about poking out.’
I pricked with irritation, ‘Nothing I can do about being short. Drinking milk doesn’t do shit.’ I pushed his hands away and began patting myself dry.
‘Did I offend you?’
I shrugged.
Ethan dried himself with a towel of his own, a little half-arsed, ‘It’s not a bad thing to be short, you know? I think it’s really cute.’
I rubbed the fabric between my legs, ‘Yeah, you said.’
After a few more rough strokes under my pits, I gave him back the towel.
Ethan looked at me, ‘Nate, you’re seriously attractive. Honestly, I mean it.’
‘Like what? What’s attractive?’ I snapped, surprising even myself. ‘I’m all bones, like. No matter how much I eat I don’t put on weight and I look like a kid. Everyone in work calls me “butty” and they treat me like a fucking baby even though I’m almost twenty.’
‘You’re not like a kid at all,’ he said with a serious expression. ‘You’re mature and you have a crazy-strong personality.’
The heartedly given compliment took me off-guard, ‘How can you say that? I mean, you barely know me.’
‘Well, I can tell from the way you speak to people. You don’t let the guys in work mess about - you stand your ground, like.’
Wow. Is that how he sees me? ‘People like me have to toughen up, otherwise we end up taking it right up the arse.’
Ethan smirked.
‘I mean, metaphorically,’ I quickly added, my face heating.
‘Yeah, I know what you meant,’ Ethan said. ‘Shall we go back to the bedroom?’
We made ourselves decent and crossed the foyer again, stealthy like two clumsy cats.
Once again, I got worried Ethan’s housemate would see us although he most definitely knew what we were doing up here already - so why give it a second thought?
Ethan dragged me back under the samurai duvet and looked for something on his phone, ‘What music are you into?’
‘All sorts.’
‘Anything in particular?’
‘Dunno,’ I shrugged against his chest. ‘I've been listening to Mac Miller a lot recently. I’m into prog-rock, blues, funk, jazz... that’s what I vibe with, mostly.’
Ethan grinned, ‘Oooh baby. I like you even better now!’
The words “baby” and “I like you” on a guy’s tongue, all of them addressed to me, were an odd thing. I wasn’t sure I appreciated the affectionate talk, only because I wasn't anyone's baby and never would be. Also, I struggled to believe Ethan truly meant it when he said he liked me. He wanted to fuck me - that I understood. All the compliments, the charming words… it was his dick talking, for sure.
He connected his phone to a small speaker and put on a jazz tune with a soft flitter of trumpets and drums that had only two words in their agenda: precise and rebellious, ticking and dinging like a clever but sarky opinion.
I listened to the music and relaxed as Ethan brought out a small joint he’d kept in a tin, ‘Do you mind if I smoke?’
‘No.’
He lit the blunt and toked on it slowly. The pull of his breath and the kindle of fire ate the white paper slowly - it was a beautiful thing. Ethan let the smoke float its way into the atmosphere and sunk back as if every puff brought him a step further into the depths of a sluggish introspection.
‘Take it you don’t smoke?’ He asked with a croaky voice.
I shook my head, ‘I tried weed once and it was bad. Like, really bad. I heard an angry voice in my head and I thought I was going to die. I went all psychotic, like. My brain doesn’t like it.’
Ethan’s eyes flitted wide, ‘What… seriously?’
‘Yeah.’
‘You sure it’s OK to smoke next to you?’
‘Yeah, as long as I don’t toke.’
Ethan finished the smoke in a hurry and sat up to blow the smoke away from me. It was kinda thoughtful and it made me smile.
We ended up cuddling again through the jazz notes. A piece with a melancholic, soft feel slipped between our caresses and kisses. It was weird. I never really hooked up with people in the past - girls weren’t all after me exactly. I thought Ethan and I were just going to do sexual stuff and I half expected a walk of shame or something like that to be the sensical conclusion.
This was not at all what I thought it was going to be like. Hanging out, chatting, cwtching and stuff. He moved my hair away and looked at me - sweet, like.
He chuckled to himself, ‘You know, when I saw you the first time I showed up to work I thought fuck, this is going to be tough.’
‘What’s tough?’
‘To pretend I don’t like guys.’
I went all squirmy for some reason, ‘Why do you pretend to be straight?’
He sighed, ‘I don’t, normally. When Cameron interviewed me I had this feeling like he wouldn’t hire me if he knew I was gay, so I kept it to myself. I was going to play it cool but I saw you there and went, OK - I need to ramp up my straight game. Gonna get busted otherwise. And I thought you hated me, for some reason.’
‘Why?’
‘Because you were glaring at me all the bloody time.’ Ethan rolled over and sprawled over me, caging my face with his arms. ‘Is it because you liked me?’ He kissed my lips, ‘People in the closet do stuff like that sometimes. They push away the things they want because they’re afraid.’
Why did his words sting? ‘I’m not afraid.’ I grabbed his cock which was hard and pressed to my groin. Ethan moaned and rocked into my fist, slowly fucking it.
I pushed against his shoulder, had him lay flat on the bed and moved down his body. Collecting the courage through the exhaling of a deep breath, I lowered my face and licked the tip of his cock.
His gasp was followed by a deep moan as I took him deeper into my mouth. I was surprised to find that a dick didn’t taste of anything much. There was a hint of something but it really wasn’t bad. His cock was smooth and stiff, a little veiny with a flushed tip. Lapping, sucking and stroking his erection with my fingers came almost naturally to me. To my bafflement, I was enjoying myself a lot as I slurped down his shaft. Thrilled by the sound of Ethan’s ragged breaths and whispered, ‘Fuck,’ and ‘Shit,’ I pushed myself to take more of his cock, almost gagging on the thing and bathing it with saliva.
I'd watched a lot of gay porn recently and in my mind images of smaller guys like me making their bigger partner come with their mouth replayed like an autopilot tutorial.
Ethan clutched my hair and threw his head back, groaning and gasping, only to raise his eyes again as I began to wank him mercilessly and suckle on his tip. My mouth made a wet sound in the process. A sense of power overtook me and something like greed and euphoria drove me to bring Ethan’s race to orgasm to an explosive end. I rubbed his tip against my parted lips as my fist worked fast on his length. I sucked him back in and Ethan gasped and groaned long and deep, cumming all over my face. Hot splashes hit my lips, cheeks and trickled down my chin and fingers.
‘Holy shit Nate!’ Ethan looked at me with incredulity and postcoital haze.
I brought a hand to my face, trying to remove a droplet of cum from my lashes with the sole result of spreading it further.
‘Wait a sec,’ Ethan plucked his damp towel from the floor and used it to wipe me. As soon as I was clean, without skipping a beat he enfolded me in his arms.
He kissed my lips and intruded into my mouth like a sweet savage, ‘My God, that was amazing.’
Endorphins pulsed through my veins, spurred by the fast beats of my heart. I plumbed into a giddy state and my thoughts floated softly, blissfully - as if I was drunk. I’d never made another guy come before. The notion was a little surreal. I had just discovered a side of me I never knew - one I couldn’t quite gauge.
I don’t know for how long we stayed in bed, doing little but kissing, hugging and stroking each other’s bodies, while a new piece of jazz toppled over us, stumbling over notes and percussion.
‘I want to do something for you, would that be OK?’ he murmured. ‘It’ll make you come hard.’
Ethan said it like it was a fact - as if I had to prepare myself for what was to happen.
‘OK,’ I said breathlessly and my dick stiffened in helpless response to his words.
He stretched out of the bed to open a drawer on his bedside table. The vision of a sea of assorted lube bottles and a sleeve sex toy made me swallow with a mixture of shock and desire.
Ethan did a bit of rummaging and grabbed a white tub, scooped a little of the product with his fingers, sealed the container and put it away.
He warmed the cream on his palm before shuffling down the bed to stick his head between my legs. My knob twitched, fully alert.
Ethan looked up and smiled, ‘Relax, Nate.’
I didn’t realise I was a knot of nerves until he mentioned it. I gulped with a dry throat, ‘Yeah.’
‘I’ll make it good for you, don’t worry.’ He put his warm, sleek fingers around my dick and slowly, amazingly, the sweet torture began.
At first there was only his hand on my cock, moving up and down firmly, a biting glory of swaying pleasure filling each second. Ethan lowered his head and sopped my balls with open, wet kisses. His hand abandoned my erection and his tongue took its place, slicking up my shaft and back down, lapping at my testicles as if rush was a word that didn’t exist.
He massaged me for a long while. When I was on the verge of bursting, he’d stop and I, whimpering, grasped the pillow under my head and begged him not to stop.
By the time he started to stroke my hole with unhurried, circular motions, I was desperate to cum. His fingers were so warm, so smooth - I doused in excruciating bliss.
‘Is this OK?’ He asked, pressing on my hole more insistently as he tormented my cock with the steady grip of his hand. There was a push, a piercing sensation as the tip of his finger breached me a little.
I gasped, ‘Oh God!’
Ethan’s finger slewed inside me as he sucked my cock deep into his mouth. His hand moved fast and it was so much to bear, all at once. I was pinned down by it all, lolling my head from side to side and yowling sounds as if my voice had a mind of its own.
He let go of my cock again, but his finger still slipped into me, swift and perfect, setting me alight and leaving me burning and exposed.
‘Do you like this?’ Ethan asked.
I loved it. It was terrible.
‘Oh, please!’ I panted, shaking all over.
‘Jesus, you’re so beautiful.’
He sleeked his finger out and, before I could react or make sense of things, two plunged inside in a painless, smooth motion, curving up and reaching deep.
I cried out.
Ethan lapped at my cock, fucking me hard with his hand and I blew in a million pieces, my balls wringing and dick spurting, again and again, sploshing all over my chest and abdomen.
‘Fuck baby, yeah,’ Ethan murmured.
I shook and gasped. He took his fingers out, leaving me limp, weak and splayed open. My eyes prickled with tears.
‘Nate…?’
I burst out crying. I curled into a ball and hugged my chest, hiding my shame from sight as if the stains of my spill were the very proof of how I’d been indelibly marked inside. How could I possibly be unleashed like this? Who was this guy to break me, to bring me down to my knees and make me beg?
‘Nate, what’s wrong? Ethan asked so gently it hurt. He caressed my back, cradled me into his arms. ‘I’m sorry, I’m so sorry - I didn't mean to hurt you, I’m sorry.’ He stroked my hair and kissed the fingers that covered my face.
An eternity swept by where Ethan just held me. He rocked me a bit, murmured soft, soothing words.
‘Nate, don’t cry. Shh, baby. Don’t cry.’
When I finally calmed down I disentangled from his embrace. I was a bit shaky as I sat at the edge of the bed.
‘Nate, are you OK? Talk to me.’
‘I’m fine,’ I sniffled.
‘You’re clearly not.’ Ethan put a hand on my shoulder. ‘I thought you were enjoying yourself and that you’d stop me if it got too much.’
‘It’s alright. It’s fine,’ I repeated. ‘I think… I think I’m going to head home now.’
Ethan’s expression dropped, ‘What?’
I grabbed Ethan’s damp towel and used it to wipe my chest as I wobbled to the centre of the room to pick up my clothes.
‘Nate, you can’t leave like this. Please.’ Ethan hung his head. I could tell he was hurt, that he felt bad. Just that morning, he’d warned me he didn’t want to deal with the muddled feelings of a closeted guy. Yet, here he was and I along with him for the shitty ride.
I wanted to leave, to brew in my thoughts alone - that’s all I could think about but even then I had a glimmer of sense, enough to be decent and give Ethan something to hang on to.
‘You’ve done nothing wrong, I just… I think I overdid it. It’s my first time with a guy, like you said,’ I said lamely. ‘I need a little time, alright? Sorry.’
I got dressed and Ethan, after putting on his robe, accompanied me downstairs.
Mannie was sat on the sofa by the messy coffee table, dipping his hand on a large pack of cheese puffs and laughing his arse off as he watched some comedy show on the telly.
I passed by and Mannie smiled. It was awkward as fuck.
Ethan stood by the main door and unlocked it for me. He murmured, ‘Nate, I'm sorry.’
‘It’s cool,’ I said, sounding dismissive even to me, ‘See you tomorrow?’
‘Yeah.’ Ethan bent down to kiss me and I let him. I owed him the reassurance that he had nothing to feel bad about and that it was OK for me to walk since my house wasn't all that far.
I clambered along the pavement. Even though I had my clothes and coat on, I’d never felt so naked and vulnerable in my entire life. Though nobody spared me a glance, it was as if all eyes were on me and, stupidly, I avoided meeting people’s gazes in fear that they could see the truth of my feelings written all over my face.
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TIGERS DON'T CRY - Chapter Seven
So beautifully written and the sex scenes are incredible! Wow!