TIGERS DON'T CRY - Chapter Two
In the harsh environment of a British pub kitchen, young Nate will have to come to terms with his growing attraction for one of his male colleagues.
For those curious to read from the start:
TRIGGER WARNING - Strong and sexual language. Explicit sexual content.
Ethan texted me Tuesday evening of his own volition.
‘Can we meet in front of Tesco tomorrow morning? You’re right, there are a few confusing turns to get to that backdoor. Best if you show me again.’
I replied, ‘Yeah no prob’
The scenario was the same: the blackness of an autumn's morning, the moist air, the quiet and the street lights. I found him standing in front of the shop at twenty to five, the cloud of his breath coiling upwards and his baggy trousers folding on his damp shoes.
Ethan smiled widely, ‘Hey.’
‘Alrigh’?’ I pinched the tip of my nose lightly and looked away. His eyes had pinned me instantly and I couldn't bear to hold his gaze.
We went down the street and took the right turn, then the left, then a small narrow street to head left again. The anonymous door was in front of us once more.
We weren’t in a rush to get in like the day before so we moved slowly and silently. As soon as the backdoor was shut, the air thickened with tension.
It took me an entire night to convince myself that I was making shit up, or that perhaps it was something that happened once and it wouldn’t happen again. The easy way my mindset crumbled was terrifying. I hoped my distraught state wouldn’t show on my face.
The buzz between us was there, strong and unmistakable. We stood still for an exceedingly long moment. Ethan watched me, his expression taut and his arms straight at his sides.
‘We can go to the changing room. We’ve got time,’ I muttered.
‘Alright.’
We got to the changing room and put down our bags. Once we started stripping, it became apparent that shit was stewing. The moment we were alone in the room, my heart picked up a fast rhythm and my hands began to shake. As soon as I slid my top over my shoulders, my skin prickled with the awareness that he was watching. He took off his clothes too and my eyes were drawn to his exposed chest and the growling tiger poking its head through the clouds. He was hairless aside from the dark trail starting from his navel and leading south, to the elastic of his boxers…
He caught me looking. Again. A part of me wanted him to.
Stop it. Whatever it is you’re doing, stop it right now!
I looked away and removed my shoes and trousers. There was a soft intake of breath behind me. My heart was beating so loud I could barely think.
‘Have you been working here long?’ He asked suddenly, his voice a little hoarse.
‘One and a half years,’ I said.
Ethan tilted his head, ‘That’s a long time to be in a place like this.’
I stuffed my jeans in the rucksack, ‘Guessing you’re not planning to stay?’
He smoothed the work shirt over his chest, ‘No, actually. I’m a tattoo artist but, crazy thing, right? The studio where I worked burned down. I’m in need of cash until the owner sorts the place out. It’s barely salvageable, to be honest. It’s going to be a while before it'll be back to form. The guy I work with got the insurance and everything, though, so at least he’s got the money to bring the studio back to life. Maybe we’ll have an even nicer parlour than before, with cool decor and everything, who knows.’
His story caught my attention, ‘Oh wait, I think I know the place. Is it the one by Cyncoed Campus?’
Ethan snorted and flashed me a crooked smile, ‘Yeah. How did you hear?’
I pulled up my work trousers, ‘My brother had his tattoo done there. It’s like this crazy skeleton fighting with a huge monkey on his back, with falling buildings and fire... really cool, man. He was gutted the place burned down.’
Ethan grinned, ‘That’s one of mine actually.’
I gaped, ‘What, my brother’s tattoo?’
‘Yeah bruv.’
I laughed at that, ‘Seriously? Shit, the world’s small! That’s proper sick, man! You’re an amazing artist, I swear!’
His eyes glimmered with amusement, ‘Fancy getting a tattoo yourself eventually?’
I put on my shirt, ‘No I… don’t have that kind of money. I mean, I’m saving up.’
‘For what?’
I ran a hand through my hair, ‘Travelling, I think. I’ve never left the UK, you know. I want to spend a year visiting new places, go see the pyramids, pop to China or something… the further away, the better.’
Ethan smiled, ‘That sounds like a good plan.’
I overspoke. Shit.
‘Anyway, let’s make a move, shall we?’ I said hurriedly, ‘I need to explain all the things I didn’t get to talk about yesterday. There’s quite a lot to learn but I’m sure you’ll pick everything up in no time.’
I opened the door of the changing room and Ethan was right behind me.
He patted my back casually, ‘Thank you.’
‘For what?’
His hand lingered on my back, ‘For believing in my abilities. I won’t let you down.’
‘Yeah, alright.’ Push him away Nate. Push him away.
Ethan’s fingers trailed along my shoulder before he stuck them in the pocket of his trousers. He smiled. Inside me, there was a turbulent wind of emotions I couldn’t decipher.
Lynn showed up again that morning. I watched as she called for Ethan’s attention and offered him a small pile of empty plates. She was all smiles and he reciprocated her advances, speaking in a low voice and making jokes. Lynn slapped his pecs lightly and commented on the hardness of his chest. He laughed.
‘Sorry to tell you but you didn’t have a chance to begin with,’ Pete murmured. I almost jumped out of my skin.
‘What do you mean?’ My face burned, a treacherous blush rising to the tip of my ears.
Pete laughed, ‘Woah, look at you! You went all red! You like her that much?’
He spoke loudly and attracted everyone’s attention. Ethan and Lynn both looked my way.
I punched Pete’s bicep hard, ‘Shut up man, seriously!’ I’d actually broken into a sweat.
The eyes of every person in the kitchen were on me and Pete alternated guffawing in amusement and whining for the pain I’d inflicted. I stormed out, muttering, ‘I’m going for a piss.’
I did in fact go to the bathroom but only to lock myself in the cubicle, sit heavily on the toilet and take my face in hand. I groaned onto my palm for a good five seconds.
‘Fuck, am I a bit gay? I can’t be gay. I like… I like girls…’ The words came out of my mouth before I could think about it.
So this was it then. But was it? It couldn't be. Or could it?
I wanted to go home, lock myself inside my bedroom and never come out again. Life was outside the cubicle though - un-fucking-avoidable.
When I went back to the kitchen, after splashing my face with cold water numerous times, Pete came by me and put a hand on my shoulder.
‘Sorry mun, didn’t mean to embarrass you or anything,’ he said.
‘I’m fine,’ I grumbled.
‘You sure?’ Pete pouted. ‘You don’t look it.’
‘Dude, just drop it, alright?’ I went back to my station and busied myself by wiping one of the microwaves where tikka had spilled. Lynn was gone and it was only us guys from the kitchen. The others fell kind of silent and I pointedly ignored them until they eventually resumed their tasks.
From then on, I made sure not to meet Ethan’s eyes.
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